Lines

Do any of you ever wonder where we came from?
I'm not talking bullshit like the "Big Bang" or anything like that, I'm not even talking philosophy or existentialism. What happened in the past that led to today.
My last post was two months ago, I lost track of time. That and I had so many other important things to worry about, like graduating high school, attempting to pass the SAT, even trying to start my college apps. None of those are looking so great right now, but at least I can say I'm trying. And that's how I lead up to this moment, right now, me typing on a keyboard.
Not a lot of us think about what led to the important moments, not a lot of us think about what led to the other, less specific, non-important parts. A person can go through their whole life without a clue of what happens step-by-step. And there are some who say that those steps don't matter, it's where you end up that's important.
I think that's crap.
Life sucks for the most part, you work, you work, and you work some more. You try and fail, you may succeed sometimes, but it isn't too likely an outcome. We all make mistakes, but some of us make a lot of them, to the point where the things we do right don't matter anymore. Some make it big, live the dream, but for the most part life just spirals downhill to the end, where we die... alone. I'm not being pessimistic, I know that there are things like love, and war, and kids, marriage, cohabitation, the whole nine yards. I know they matter somewhat in the long haul. But I have yet to see how it really makes any difference. Whether you eat or you starve, breathe or suffocate, it doesn't matter. That's the thing, none of it matters. And while I know I sound like a pamphlet for suicide, I do have a point. I don't think it the end is what matters, I don't think it's the past, I don't even think it's the present. I think it's the thoughts, not "the thought that counts" I'm saying it's the energy buzzing in your head. I think it's some kind of mystical/scientific force that morphs and grows, manipulates and expands, makes us more than we really are, and then abandons us when we lose the ability to hold it. I don't know where it goes after our hearts stop beating, I don't know if it goes to a place that could be considered Heaven or Hell, I just know it's there. I have to know. Otherwise there isn't any point, and that would be a pamphlet for suicide.
Did you know that surgeons started out as necromancers? That's right, they worked on the dead, were considered banes of human existence. Da Vinci could probably be considered one of them, he cut up dead bodies in the dead of night, hoping to god that no one would discover him and execute him. Then there were those who used the knowledge of the necromancers before them to cut open the living, in small dirty dark rooms. Eventually, they got better, and better, and their students learned new things. The rooms got better, more light less scum. Eventually people discovered what infections were and learned about sterility. And now we have huge hospitals and the human life is extended beyond the small handful of years we were originally given. That's a path, that's energy, that's where it has to go. I don't know for sure, but I can sure as hell pray to any sort of deity that there is. The world will end some day, every human will eventually die out. But the energy will go on.
And I guess that's my point, that's what's great about life, not the future, not the past, not the present, it's what's out there; definitely not a pamphlet for suicide after all.